Staging take three

"Shit or get off the pot"

Life scares the hell out of me. The general fact that you can walk down the street and get hit by a car, random person, an animal, or debris from a falling airplane is scary shit. And later today I leave the country for two years. Live in a country where I literally don't know any of the language (do certain foods count?), none of the customs, and the only real similarity is my faith.

So why am I ready to head out into the great unknown if its scary? Why am I so ready to just give it a shot? Because it feels right. It feels good. 99% of the time we go against that great unknown. Common sense kicks in. The logical mind flickers on in a normally irrational human being. We just ignore the thought and go "I wish I could do that". But eventually we get to the point where its "shit or get off the pot".

That happens far too often in life. If nothing else this trip and this experience has taught me to actually listen to that "scary" thought. I don't want to live in that day to day bubble. I don't want to not try because of fear. I WANT to try. I want to give it my all and never look back and wonder why I was such a moron.

I've already done something like that. I already went out on a limb. A pretty high up and risky limb. Threw caution to the wind and for once spoke out completely. Did it turn out well? No. But thats okay. Because it's ME who's doing this. Not everyone else. To ask anyone to do the same is unfair. But I don't regret going on that limb and just saying "Here I am". Besides in 24 hours I'll be in Germany before I arrive in Kyiv. Maybe I need to learn how to say "Here I am" in Russian.

So besides my babble about shitting on the pot or leaving it, last night all of us went out to eat and to drink. Which was an amazing time, short for me, yet still amazing. Yet it makes me sad that in a short time we'll be split up into smaller groups. I wish I could pick my group. Though everyone is pretty cool.

And here's how we handle the idea of leaving the country for two years:

Staging take two

Yesterday was interesting. I didn't have a whole lot of time to go into detail about what all happened because of two things:
I was on the phone while typing (yay multitasking)
I was eager to do some other stuff and not just sit around and type.

Needless to say the airport experience, rushed goodbye, and flight took a lot out of me. Oh and don't forget the small amount of sleep that took place on a couch.

Last night "we" went out to dinner. We being pretty much everyone. Since no one knows each other it was an odd yet fun experience. What made it more fun was that some of us decided to go drinking. Ahhh drinking with new people. Its a great socializer.

I made a bad choice in deciding to have another shot of vodka shortly before we left the bar.

I will like these people. Sure I may not know them and I may not totally get them. But I'll like them. They're funny, smart, rather easy going, and up for almost anything.

Just yesterday we were breaking down stereotypes of Americans. Well they were, I was putting them up. Let me explain. One volunteer, lets call him Steve, told me that he heard Indiana was just a flat state...I corrected him. Then one person, lets call them Sara (there were a few of them), said that Iowa was part of the midwest. I disagreed. A lot. It was funny to me. But really in typing it I've found that its not.

Today's adventures relies on all of us being able to stay awake and in tune to what is going on.

I see that as a challenge. You would too after all the drinking that took place.

Staging take one

The word of the day is "almost".

1. Almost crapped my pants.

More about my bowel movement than you care to know. But I was in a long long long looooooong line and had to use the bathroom and had to high tail it to another terminal.

2. Almost lost my laptop.

Upon finally getting checked in I had to go through security in like 3 minutes. They couldn't understand my backpack. Upon it finally going through I grabbed it and ran to the gate. Totally forgot my laptop and someone acted as my angel and brought it to the plane.

3. Almost didn't make the plane.

This is the biggie. We (another 20 folks) barely made the flight and had to leave late.

And now I'm about to pass out at the hotel before orientation/staging.

Packing

Ever try to pack two years into two bags and one carry on?! It's not working oh so well. I mean really...100 lbs and 2 bags. I gave it a shot today. Unfortunately I had shoes at the bottom that went right into my lower back.

I'll try again later tonight. Hopefully I'll figure something out.

Power of Attorney

I have my forms filled out, minus being notarized and recorded. Somehow this entire thing is taking way too much effort. I had to call my bank who said prosecutor, prosecutor said clerk, clerk said recorder, recorder said get it notarized and then they'd record it. So now I have to call my bank to see if they'll notarize it. Good lord...

CRAP!

The days are going by WAY too quickly. I've got a fair amount to do in preparation to going to Ukraine. I mean I've yet to move back into my parents house. I've not packed, though I plan on it soon. I need to add my mom to my bank account. Set up a power of attorney, maybe I'll do that today. Here's hoping.

But in my defense..I've been hanging out with friends and its all starting to settle in. I'm leaving soon. For two years. You can't come with me.

Scary...I know once I pack I'll post up what I decided to take. You know...the penultimate packing list. On that note I did pack my backpack for a trip to Florida this weekend, I know I know...why not be more productive?!, and it turned out I can fit four days in my backpack.

I've a feeling that I'll be coming down to the wire in preparation....we'll see.

Oh and mad props to Ashley for posting on my blog. It always amazes me when people reply to this. Why? I've no idea. Its like getting a letter in the mail.

I get by

Yesterday was my last day of work. It was glorious. Actually it was boring. I sat in a chair the entire time and did really nothing. I even had time to go home and have an hour and a half lunch then surf the net for a couple hours. I was not missed. Such is the way. But they took a lot of work that I would've done awhile ago. Thats what happens when someone is leaving. Oh well.

Today is the day I should start freaking out. I mean in two weeks I need to get a power of attorney set up, do some financial stuff, buy a duffel bag, visit Bloomington, have a great time in Florida, and somehow pack for two years.

The freaking out will begin later. Tonight I eat, drink, and be merry!

Holy Poop!

No I'm not going to discuss the bowel movements of Pope Benedict XVI (or Benny 1-6 as he lets me call him).

Yesterday was my birthday, I received a digital camera (my parents) and a box of DOTS (from my boss), and it hit me when I was driving home to have lunch with my family at 9:15 am. In three weeks I would be sitting in a hotel in Philadelphia. Yikes!!!

What have I gotten myself into?!?!

The day passed, not as uneventfully as I would hope, and around 7:15 my best friend called to wish me happy birthday and told me he looked forward to my trip down to Florida. Which brought up again getting me plastered before going to Ukraine. I eagerly await said trip. Gotta bring up my tolerance some. I think tomorrow morning I'll have a screwdriver before work. Kidding....maybe.

Life seems to have hit the fast forward button and to be honest I kinda like it. This is my last week of work for the government (YA!!!!!), then on Saturday is a trip to my favorite German restaurant, and Sunday I head to Bloomington to visit a friend for a couple days. Then I head to Florida, come back and then off to Philly. Stellar. The month of March shall be busy.

Oh and a comment that was said by my mother "There are a lot of drugs and prostitutes in Ukraine. Don't do drugs okay? And don't have sex with any prostitutes! I mean it!"

I told her I would steer clear of the drugs but the prostitutes would be tricky to evade. :-)

Promise

So I've been re-reading my past posts, I'm avoiding any and all "work", and I've come to the following conclusion. My blog sucks. Not that I don't mind all the dots and the dark blue background. Its just that I started this blog on such an upbeat sort of way. I was all "look at me I'm trying to do the Peace Corps and this is whats going on in my process"!

Then at some point reality hit home and my blog started to show only one side of my personality and/or frustrations. Which isn't really fair to myself seeing as I know other people read this. Who are these other people? I've no idea. I've not had any contact with B for quite some time, Kat may look at it one day, as might Julia, or other group members. But the fact is that this has been my release of all the frustrations I've had. Instead of pouring out my inner thoughts to people I just put them here. Which is a comfort and a vice.

So on a positive note I promise to make a correction of that. Which can be seen earlier today with my post of ten things. I didn't know just HOW frustrating things would be with Peace Corps until rather recently when I reflected. My advice for those considering the Peace Corps, do it for the love of helping others but realize it's not easy. It's more like a sugar coated tylenol than a sugar coated piece of chocolate (aka M&M). The idea is great but once you get the ball rolling...it turns into a giant snowball that chases you through a busy San Francisco street picking up more passerbies until it rams into you. The snowball equals all the paperwork by the way. It's a necessary evil...I get it...doesn't mean I like it but I get it.

But there's a lot going on in my mind that made me freak. I'm going to Ukraine, not Azerbaijan. That alone was hard to decide and even harder to do in one day. I called almost everyone I knew to ask for advice. Throw in my parent's somewhat support, thats changed because of the location. Toss in a little time to get prepared, and then WHAM one more unexpected hurdle just tossed me for a ride. I mean I was all gravy until the whole CD only being on Windows. Crazy that a CD just broke the camel's back.

I handled it somewhat like a champ. I was grumpy last night and made the post and then proceeded to kick and punch at my punching bag on and off for about an hour. (My thighs hurt still.) But in the end I realized it wasn't impossible. I downloaded Boot Camp on my Mac and I'll just get a copy of XP to put on it and then I'll have both Windows and OSX on my computer. Crisis averted for the time being.

On a lighter note. A much lighter note that doesn't involving me freaking out.

A co-worker (only four years older...second closest to my age) told me about a Ukrainian she dated and told me to watch out for a weird Jello dish with meat on the inside. The idea of jello with fruit in it makes me gag. I mean I like jello and I like fruit. I do not like them together. I mean who really wants a hunk of banana in strawberry jello?!?! So this idea of jello and MEAT made me almost barf in my mouth.

So I did what any American with time on their hand would do. I googled it. Turns out the dish is called studynets. There are two types of studynets, kholodets and zalyvne. Zalyvne is jellied fish and kholodets is jellied beef. A big lesson learned for me is that they don't use jello. That changes a lot for me. Instead the jelly comes from broth and gelatin. So basically its a cold meat dish with the fat congealed around it. Thats liveable. It doesn't sound amazingly appetizing but it doesn't scare the crap out of me. Okay mildly scares the crap out of me. If you're reading this do the following; open google, type kholodets (copy and paste if you must), and click images instead of pressing enter. You'll see a green...glob with meat on the inside.

On another culinary side I'm looking forward to borscht. I've never had it. Doesn't sound terrible either.

I'm now both hungry and turned off by jello...amazing.

Another Day

Since a day went by I'm doing a bit better. In fact I was in an upbeat sort of move this morning. That is until I got to work. Ahhhh...I can't wait to leave.

But I came up with something over the last 24 hours that made me smile.

Top Ten Reasons Why I'll Thrive in Ukraine (or some reasons why I'll adapt)
10. I love potatoes.
9. Making snow angels most of the year round excites me.
8. Ukrainian women...they're pretty attractive.
7. I hope to see a three eyed fish.
6. Black market is thriving. Yay cheap music and movies!
5. It has a Catholic church.
4. Ukrainian hospitatlity.
3. Drinking vodka for breakfast. Any one that has experienced my job will know that alcohol makes the work day just a bit more bearable.
2. The sniff method. Guys are stereotyped as doing this. I do it. What is the sniff method? You sniff your clothes and if they smell clean, then by god they are. If they smell a bit musky...air dry them for a bit and then they're good.
1. Volunteers. I may not know many of them. I may have very limited interaction with them at this point but I'm positive they'll make life more pleasant.

I think the Peace Corps hates me...

***Note- I'm a bit...frustrated at the moment. So this post is merely an inner look at WHY.

A year ago I submitted my application, had an interview, and was nominated for a program for a year and a half later. I was ready to leave in six months.

Once I got my medical packet I started to make doctor appointments. Problem, no one knew who my doctor was. Not even my insurance who then reassigned me, didn't tell me, and then he switched who he took. I didn't have a doctor for three months.

Finally got a doctor, filled out the forms, and gave blood for labs. The PC didn't say exactly WHICH hepatitis B test they needed. I gave more blood. And then some more for safe measure.

3 months I heard nothing for my clearance.

Two months of hearing nothing about placement.

Finally get invited. I have one day to decide. I accept and am told "fill out and send your visa/passport application like the next day". Receive a CD that only runs on PC.

Today I get a welcome packet from the country desk. It has a CD for 30 days of language. I have roughly 17 days until staging to do this.

CD only runs on PC. I own a Mac.

Add into the fact that I feel like the last kid picked to play a game at recess. People are clicking and getting to know each other...so naturally I feel a bit..left out? Something like that.

By the time staging comes around, I'll know a couple people by name but not face, have no idea of the language, and apparently be under prepared technology wise because I prefer Macs over PCs and refuse to buy a new laptop.

I think the Peace Corps hates me....that or I have bad luck.

Maybe the bad luck. Its hard for an organization to hate someone.

I'm just stressed. I've so much to do with little time and with each thing I get from the Peace Corps it just adds more stuff to do that I literally cannot do. Argh I say...argh!

Updated- Letting that out made me feel better...still frustrated but less...

Freaked

Not counting today, I'm due to leave for Ukraine in 28 days. SERIOUSLY!

I feel as though I have so much to do. Like pack. Which of course I've not started, cause that'd be dumb. But just the thought of packing freaks me out a bit. I mean thats 2 years in three bags!!!

On another note I asked around about how long people's aspiration statements were. I got "250-300 words" as the majority. So in my email to the country desk I threw in what I was told. I knew mine was a bit over but I stuck with it. Yesterday I got a reply saying "We got your aspiration statement but we'd like you to take out one word. You're over limit......kidding!" I about crapped myself. Really?! I mean all the stuff I've gotta do and you reply with that? Thats something I'd do.

Oh and I've got less than a month to learn as much Ukrainian as possible. Yeah thats not impossible. I look forward to butchering your language Ukrainians. It'll be glorious. :-)

Re-Evaluation

Yesterday was a rather "not great" day for the most part. Or so I thought.

Going to work when you know that in a month you'll be headed to live in another country for two years just bites. I mean it gives me little to no motivation to give 110%. Heck it doesn't give me motivation to give 60%. But alas I go and still give atleast 85%. I can't really measure it. Heading into lunch I was determined to attend Ash Wednesday.

This is where my normal day would be just grand. Mass at work. Sounds good. We had to sit in the balcony but were able to move down lower after ashes were delivered. Who was caddy corner (thats diagonal to those not in the midwest) from me? The love of my life.

...okay so she's not the love of my life. But she definitely WAS the love of my life...even though I never directly told her. Plus it doesn't help that she married a "gay guy" (his homosexuality is contested but many of us firmly believe that he is in fact gay and will come out one day). I ignored her presence. I've not talked to her in atleast a year. She caught me though. At the end of the service I bolted. In retrospect I feel ashamed of bolting and not trying to rekindle my friendship with this great person.

It all came down to the guy. I've never liked him. So the day was blah. Then I had dinner with my friend Laura. Laura and I had a good dinner and caught up a fair amount and in general had a nice time. But the convo turned to said individual and it was nice to hear that my impressions of him were coming out of her mouth and that she knows it was said by more than her and others. Yay? Not that I despise him...just bitter folks. A little bitterness is okay. I mean thats why I like dark chocolate.

But it brought up a big thing, experience. See this guy acts like he's better than others and doesn't recognize the help that he's been given. He ignores it or puts a blind eye to it. He talks himself up and the story just keeps going back to him. I hated that...still do.

I've compared myself to him on so many occassions. And part of me was just thinking "ha! I'm doing the Peace Corps you greedy and selfish American!" And then I felt bad...how bad? Bad bad. Like I should put myself in the corner for a good week to feel less guilty for those thoughts. I've been assured those thoughts are not uncommon.

In reality it made me re-evaluate not only my reasonings for the Peace Corps but what I want to do with life. Actually the entire convo with Laura put my life into perspective. I'm a good guy. Hey it's hard to come to that conclusion when you keep thinking about other things. Today I actually FELT grown up. Going to Starbucks and getting a latte, although not uncommon, it made me realize that in about a month I'll be walking around Ukraine. It made me feel...fresh. Like it's a new shot at things. Completely new surrounding and a new opportunity to experience life.

I'm not just doing the Peace Corps to be altruistic, none of us are really, but owning up to that made me feel better. I'm getting trained to speak another language, two years of living in another culture (which will MAJORLY boost my resume), volunteering my life (again...major boost), AND I get to help! How lucky am I?!?! I mean afterwards I'll just have to put down "PC Volunteer in Ukraine" and so many more jobs will open up to me. Hell I might be able to work overseas. Which is my dream.

Thinks are just starting to fall in place and for once I can notice it.

Because I'm slow

My address for training:
Jacob Moore, PCT
c/o Peace Corps/Ukraine
PO Box 298
01030
Kyiv, Ukraine

Lists

I've discovered that I've been making a lot of lists. For example I have the following lists (which is in itself a list):
-Stuff to buy
-Places to visit
-People to visit
-Places to eat
-Items to pack
-Things to do

From what I can remember this is the list I created for stuff to buy:
-Wool socks
-Watch w/ alarm clock
-Thermal underwear
-Back pack
-Duffel bag
-Money belt
-Sleeping bag
-Yaktraks
-Digital camera, rechargeable battery pack, and SD card
-DVD/CD case
-Dark slacks/jeans

So far I've got the backpack from Target. Its wicked cool. I can put my iPod in a little protective pouch and pull out the ear plugs. I grabbed two pairs of quick drying wick wool socks, Yaktraks (haven't tested them yet), and thermal underwear. Now I've never worn thermal underwear. The idea is foreign to me. Sounds interesting but it's foreign. Last night I tested out the long sleeve thermal shirt. I was sweaty by 3 am. It'll do!

I have the following to do:
-Letter of resignation, written but hasn't been signed
-Power of Attorney
-Taxes, doing this week I hope
-Student loan deferment, this week I hope
-Ticket to Florida, bought today!!!
-Finances, talk to bank about mutual fund or something
-Update license
-Absentee ballot, change of voting address

Well I'm off to look up stuff for absentee ballots.

15 days of work
25 days till Florida
34 days till staging (DEAR GOD!)

Bogged down

So there's a downside to accepting my invitation to Ukraine. I have little time. Like a little time.

All the postage I get and/or send has to be extremely urgent and sent overnight. It's crazy. I sent my Visa and Passport applications in yesterday. I can only pray that they were done correctly. I filled out both to my best abilities and I HOPE that I filled them out correctly.

And yet I have more to do. I've got 9 days to send out my aspiration statement and resume. It's a lot like bsing on two forms. Takes a bit of work. Any advice on aspiration statement? Could use it...

Accepted

Yesterday marked my one year anniversary for working at the DOE. One year of my life. Wow....anywho...

As I drove home I was thinking about what I would eat and where I left off in my book. When I got out of my car I noticed I was somewhat on the curve. Got in and readjusted. As soon as I turned off my car my phone rang. Digged it out under my winter wear and lo and behold a 202 number. Peace Corps. Knew it right away. "Hi Jacob..I've been reviewing your application and essays and thought you'd be a perfect fit for an earlier program. Would you be interested in changing your availability to an earlier time, say March?"

This is where life is trippy. A few days ago I made the comment that if placement called and asked me to leave earlier I would say yes before I hung up. I asked for more time.

I got a day.

I freaked out. Forgot stuff in my car, somehow lost my phone, dropped stuff. What do you do?! Who do you call? Do I tell my parents right now? Should I say no?

I frantically put stuff down, turned on my computer to find a HINT of where it would be, and called anyone I wanted to talk to about it. One person answered on the first time. Goes to show the moment you need to talk no ones available!

The uber excitement passed a bit when I talked to a roommate and my sister. Then another person. All of them pretty much said "go".

So I'm going.

I'm pretty sure it'll be to Ukraine but I'll get my packet of stuff here soon.

Life comes at you pretty fast...

Not really an update

Last week was a bad bad bad week for me. I blame work for adding majorly to that. Especially the end of the week.

This week started off better thanks to Kat and the four hour conversation. But Tuesday was mediocre and today...well today started off bad, got a bit better, and got a lot worse.

Needless to say the one glimmer of goodness that makes life bearable is the waiting to hear from Peace Corps.

I should've quit my job and moved to Florida while I waited...

Long wait

So I called who I think my placement officer is. Did I learn anything? Nope...other than that they have people's invites to deal with before me.

Bad week

Last/this week was probably the worst week I've had in a long long time. I think that can be seen in my posts. For anyone that actually reads this my deepest apologies to you. One bad day kept leading to another.

At some point this next week I should know more for PC. Should being a big part..