Life scares the hell out of me. The general fact that you can walk down the street and get hit by a car, random person, an animal, or debris from a falling airplane is scary shit. And later today I leave the country for two years. Live in a country where I literally don't know any of the language (do certain foods count?), none of the customs, and the only real similarity is my faith.
So why am I ready to head out into the great unknown if its scary? Why am I so ready to just give it a shot? Because it feels right. It feels good. 99% of the time we go against that great unknown. Common sense kicks in. The logical mind flickers on in a normally irrational human being. We just ignore the thought and go "I wish I could do that". But eventually we get to the point where its "shit or get off the pot".
That happens far too often in life. If nothing else this trip and this experience has taught me to actually listen to that "scary" thought. I don't want to live in that day to day bubble. I don't want to not try because of fear. I WANT to try. I want to give it my all and never look back and wonder why I was such a moron.
I've already done something like that. I already went out on a limb. A pretty high up and risky limb. Threw caution to the wind and for once spoke out completely. Did it turn out well? No. But thats okay. Because it's ME who's doing this. Not everyone else. To ask anyone to do the same is unfair. But I don't regret going on that limb and just saying "Here I am". Besides in 24 hours I'll be in Germany before I arrive in Kyiv. Maybe I need to learn how to say "Here I am" in Russian.
So besides my babble about shitting on the pot or leaving it, last night all of us went out to eat and to drink. Which was an amazing time, short for me, yet still amazing. Yet it makes me sad that in a short time we'll be split up into smaller groups. I wish I could pick my group. Though everyone is pretty cool.
And here's how we handle the idea of leaving the country for two years:
2 comments:
Jake,
I hope everything goes how you want it to and just know that we'll be here...ready to party when you get back!;-) And no matter what if you ever need someone to talk to then feel free to gimme a holla somehow. I'm always here for ya...even if you did have a huge crush on me in high school! lol...j/k! Later babe!
Ashley
Hi Jake!
I am glad to see that things are going well for you!
I'll definitely keep reading the blog. I'll miss chatting with you for the next two years!
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