Last week was a bad bad bad week for me. I blame work for adding majorly to that. Especially the end of the week.
This week started off better thanks to Kat and the four hour conversation. But Tuesday was mediocre and today...well today started off bad, got a bit better, and got a lot worse.
Needless to say the one glimmer of goodness that makes life bearable is the waiting to hear from Peace Corps.
I should've quit my job and moved to Florida while I waited...
January 31, 2007
January 30, 2007
Long wait
So I called who I think my placement officer is. Did I learn anything? Nope...other than that they have people's invites to deal with before me.
January 27, 2007
Bad week
Last/this week was probably the worst week I've had in a long long time. I think that can be seen in my posts. For anyone that actually reads this my deepest apologies to you. One bad day kept leading to another.
At some point this next week I should know more for PC. Should being a big part..
At some point this next week I should know more for PC. Should being a big part..
January 24, 2007
At odds
Growing up my dad's parents would have big family gatherings on holidays or special occassions. My cousins would show up with their kids and it would be a great thing. The big table was for the "important adults" or mainly the old ones and typically the first kid and their spouse. The next table had the rest of the adults and then the small table was for the kids. I hated the small table. I wanted to sit with my parents. When my great uncle passed away and a couple cousins stopped showing, the tables became two. I still hated the table. Gatherings became smaller and smaller over the years. The table became one, unless there were guests. I remembered the first time I got to be at the big table. I hated it. And to be honest I still do. I'm not seen as an equal. Just the grandson. Few people could actually float between the tables. Once in awhile it would be my aunt or my mom who would trek over to the kids. But they would always return to their table. I never feel comfortable because I was never seen as an equal. How could you?
My family has an odd nobility to it. My great grandfather had lots of children and ruled over them with tenderness, compassion, and a stubborness that he wore with pride. He led the family. What is it called patron familias? My grandfather and his brother (the other brother lived far away) did the same with his family. They shared their influence at all the family reunions. All of the family looked at them as the head of the house. When my great uncle died my grandfather took the throne so to speak. Which elevated me a lot. From the blonde haired youth that everyone noticed to "the next one". My dad isn't a moron or an idiot but he doesn't care. He cares about keeping the roof over the head, not giving advice or taking claim to head of the family. Heck my cousins don't care either. None of them have a pride about them. They aren't knee deep in giving. My grandfather and his brother had that. They both served in World War II and brought back a worldliness about them. And maybe its just me...but I want that. I want that patron familias. I want that worldliness about me. The Peace Corps is it for me. I'd rather help build a house than shoot someone. Personal choice really.
But I sit at the middle table. Not having accomplished it and not even started. In fact I feel uncomfortable talking to those that have finished their service and even more uncomfortable talking to those that know where they are going. They have stories of "oh I've talked to this person in my group" or "I can't wait to visit this place". I have no spite for them but I lack the care at the moment. Good for them. But while they dance in their joy of knowing I sit and wait. I sit and wait with a weighted heart. All the time I wonder where I'll go. What I'll do. What I will become. And yet I feel at ease talking to those that are serving. They know what its like to be waiting...to wonder...to have no idea what to tell anyone. They don't offer pity or sympathies. They offer stories and advice. I am much obliged to them for that. And yet...I wait.
My family has an odd nobility to it. My great grandfather had lots of children and ruled over them with tenderness, compassion, and a stubborness that he wore with pride. He led the family. What is it called patron familias? My grandfather and his brother (the other brother lived far away) did the same with his family. They shared their influence at all the family reunions. All of the family looked at them as the head of the house. When my great uncle died my grandfather took the throne so to speak. Which elevated me a lot. From the blonde haired youth that everyone noticed to "the next one". My dad isn't a moron or an idiot but he doesn't care. He cares about keeping the roof over the head, not giving advice or taking claim to head of the family. Heck my cousins don't care either. None of them have a pride about them. They aren't knee deep in giving. My grandfather and his brother had that. They both served in World War II and brought back a worldliness about them. And maybe its just me...but I want that. I want that patron familias. I want that worldliness about me. The Peace Corps is it for me. I'd rather help build a house than shoot someone. Personal choice really.
But I sit at the middle table. Not having accomplished it and not even started. In fact I feel uncomfortable talking to those that have finished their service and even more uncomfortable talking to those that know where they are going. They have stories of "oh I've talked to this person in my group" or "I can't wait to visit this place". I have no spite for them but I lack the care at the moment. Good for them. But while they dance in their joy of knowing I sit and wait. I sit and wait with a weighted heart. All the time I wonder where I'll go. What I'll do. What I will become. And yet I feel at ease talking to those that are serving. They know what its like to be waiting...to wonder...to have no idea what to tell anyone. They don't offer pity or sympathies. They offer stories and advice. I am much obliged to them for that. And yet...I wait.
January 22, 2007
Filling time (Updated)
It should noted that I'm not a fan of my work place. Its typically cold, full of people not close to my age group, boring, and requires me to transfer the phones so I can use the restroom. I'm not a fan. And yet I have five months left of it. Five...months...
I urged a friend* to not get an office job. "It'll take your soul away...it's slowly killing me". Instead she's a hostess at a hyped up restaurant.
And here I am...trying to fill time at a job I'm not a fan of.
One can only hope for word from PC for a certain amount of time. The excitement and anticipation can only last so long. It comes and it goes. Waiting for medical clearance was a daily anxiety up until week 10 of waiting. At that point it was more of wonder. "I wonder if they even have my file. I wonder if I'll ever get cleared. I wonder if I'm not healthy enough." I felt almost ambivalent. Today I hit that with hearing anything from placement. Weeks of anticipation and constantly checking my email for an auto reply from PC has moved me to mere mediocrity. Do I want to hear something? Yes. Will I be excited when I do? Yes. But I'm not eagerly awaiting anything. It'll come but I figure it will be awhile.
On the * note.
This will probably be a big rant about my frustrations with Peace Corps. Not any individual person and probably just me complaining about life and Peace Corps just happens to be in my life. So nothing against the organization at all.
I gave up a job to work for a State Senator. I gave up an opportunity to live in Florida. I gave up an opportunity to teach in Florida. I gave up an opportunity to live with my best friend. All because of the uncertainty in Peace Corps process. Would I do it again? In a heart beat. I want it that much.
But this part bugs me, and its mainly MY beef with myself. I truly like someone again. It's been awhile. I've been a bit...standoffish? cold? ambivalent?...about the opposite sex. Especially romantically. So to have those feelings again is weird and a bit confusing. Granted its not a huge thing or will be (who really knows right?). It just sucks that I have in my mind this doubt of even going on dates because of the Peace Corps. I have this one friend who told me not to apply for a job because "you're leaving in like six months...why bother?" I really don't like their advice because it tends to be the same but its true. I don't want to start something I can't reasonably finish. I can't start a relationship only to leave. That would break my heart, and possibly theirs..again...who knows?
Its just weird really. Fate and karma are two twisted bed fellows. That ends my rant.
Updated on Wednesday: I thought "five months is a long time without giving it a shot with someone". But five months to gain something and leave it isn't. I don't know if anyone can ever understand my decisions, especially in this regard, but I don't get into something lightly. I'm in it until the end. Especially with relationships. So there's another thing I gave up.
I urged a friend* to not get an office job. "It'll take your soul away...it's slowly killing me". Instead she's a hostess at a hyped up restaurant.
And here I am...trying to fill time at a job I'm not a fan of.
One can only hope for word from PC for a certain amount of time. The excitement and anticipation can only last so long. It comes and it goes. Waiting for medical clearance was a daily anxiety up until week 10 of waiting. At that point it was more of wonder. "I wonder if they even have my file. I wonder if I'll ever get cleared. I wonder if I'm not healthy enough." I felt almost ambivalent. Today I hit that with hearing anything from placement. Weeks of anticipation and constantly checking my email for an auto reply from PC has moved me to mere mediocrity. Do I want to hear something? Yes. Will I be excited when I do? Yes. But I'm not eagerly awaiting anything. It'll come but I figure it will be awhile.
On the * note.
This will probably be a big rant about my frustrations with Peace Corps. Not any individual person and probably just me complaining about life and Peace Corps just happens to be in my life. So nothing against the organization at all.
I gave up a job to work for a State Senator. I gave up an opportunity to live in Florida. I gave up an opportunity to teach in Florida. I gave up an opportunity to live with my best friend. All because of the uncertainty in Peace Corps process. Would I do it again? In a heart beat. I want it that much.
But this part bugs me, and its mainly MY beef with myself. I truly like someone again. It's been awhile. I've been a bit...standoffish? cold? ambivalent?...about the opposite sex. Especially romantically. So to have those feelings again is weird and a bit confusing. Granted its not a huge thing or will be (who really knows right?). It just sucks that I have in my mind this doubt of even going on dates because of the Peace Corps. I have this one friend who told me not to apply for a job because "you're leaving in like six months...why bother?" I really don't like their advice because it tends to be the same but its true. I don't want to start something I can't reasonably finish. I can't start a relationship only to leave. That would break my heart, and possibly theirs..again...who knows?
Its just weird really. Fate and karma are two twisted bed fellows. That ends my rant.
Updated on Wednesday: I thought "five months is a long time without giving it a shot with someone". But five months to gain something and leave it isn't. I don't know if anyone can ever understand my decisions, especially in this regard, but I don't get into something lightly. I'm in it until the end. Especially with relationships. So there's another thing I gave up.
January 12, 2007
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
I love my iPod. Just felt like sharing that.
This is an update from my last post. I got a call from lets say, Steve...I don't remember his name so its pretty fair to call him that..or Stevie if you want, yesterday about my call. Super nice guy. He let me know that some programs (ie Health Ed) get reviewed quicker than others and that they were just finishing up invites for some coming up soon. He then spouted off someone's name for me to write down as a contact. Apparently if I don't hear anything around the 31st I should call but he said I'd probably hear something before hand. Nice guy. Although PC has been slow with everything I've got treated fairly well. Props on that part.
This is an update from my last post. I got a call from lets say, Steve...I don't remember his name so its pretty fair to call him that..or Stevie if you want, yesterday about my call. Super nice guy. He let me know that some programs (ie Health Ed) get reviewed quicker than others and that they were just finishing up invites for some coming up soon. He then spouted off someone's name for me to write down as a contact. Apparently if I don't hear anything around the 31st I should call but he said I'd probably hear something before hand. Nice guy. Although PC has been slow with everything I've got treated fairly well. Props on that part.
January 10, 2007
Dirty Mistake
Two things first: 1) I intended to write two different posts but decided just to combine them. 2) The title is not intended to be "adult oriented" but is in fact the two different posts titles put together. I could separate them with a hyphen or whatever but I didn't.
Dirty:
I'm full of anxiety at this point. Its similar to being on week 13 of medical clearance. I've not heard anything and starting to think I should. I've asked around and gotten different responses of how long it takes from clearance to invitation and so on. Some heard back within a week or two and one heard back in three months. Although the three month threw me. I mean hearing back in November for a program in June? What the heck yo?
Anywho...since I didn't get a real answer from my recruiter I decided to scrounge around PC's website for an answer. Their search thing bites. So instead I sent an inquiry to them which I'm guessing gets rerouted to the closest regional HQ to the IP Address (took me a bit to figure that out). The response was in layman terms was "have you checked your toolkit lately?" in which I knew I have and it said it was under review for placement..."if you forgot your username or password contact us" nope still know it..."or you can call placement office at..." ahh there's the number and option.
Upon calling I get the message "if you are calling to update your contact information, accepting an invitation, etc please leave your name and social security number with a brief message...we are sorry we cannot get to you at this time due to an influx of invitation inquiries". I left an inquiry about my invitation and I felt dirty. I didn't want to be THAT volunteer thats really nosey and asking for more information instead of waiting. But I learned after week 10 to be a bit pushy at times. Definitely needed to be pushy there so I thought a little question couldn't hurt. So I feel dirty for coming off like that.
Mistake:
I think it was a mistake on telling a lot of folks about me doing the PC, not so much my blog but the whole thing, because its now at the point where people ask every time I see them after some time. "Hey why aren't you gone yet?" "When are you leaving again?" "Any idea of where you are going? Is it official?" "Do you know where your layovers will be?" I needed to tell my family. Then I needed to tell my closer friends so I would have SOME support. Then I had to tell a couple other friends to get ACTUAL support. But as soon as I hit that level it went spiralling into everyone knowing.
I had no intention of telling the people I work with about it. My boss knew because she wrote the rec form. A co-worker knew because she is friends with my boss and her and I get along. Another co-worker knew because I told them. A few months later and I get asked what I plan on doing at a conference by an advisor at a conferne and upon telling them I forgot my boss'(another one...the one I don't like)sister had overheard. Next day at work I had people asking about where I'd be going. :-/ It was a vicious cycle I couldn't jump off of. So I guess the anxiety would be less if people didn't know.
I swear the next time I update this I'll know SOMETHING about the next phase for me. Whether it's "you need to do more volunteering", "sorry we haven't gotten to you", or "you are going to X".
Dirty:
I'm full of anxiety at this point. Its similar to being on week 13 of medical clearance. I've not heard anything and starting to think I should. I've asked around and gotten different responses of how long it takes from clearance to invitation and so on. Some heard back within a week or two and one heard back in three months. Although the three month threw me. I mean hearing back in November for a program in June? What the heck yo?
Anywho...since I didn't get a real answer from my recruiter I decided to scrounge around PC's website for an answer. Their search thing bites. So instead I sent an inquiry to them which I'm guessing gets rerouted to the closest regional HQ to the IP Address (took me a bit to figure that out). The response was in layman terms was "have you checked your toolkit lately?" in which I knew I have and it said it was under review for placement..."if you forgot your username or password contact us" nope still know it..."or you can call placement office at..." ahh there's the number and option.
Upon calling I get the message "if you are calling to update your contact information, accepting an invitation, etc please leave your name and social security number with a brief message...we are sorry we cannot get to you at this time due to an influx of invitation inquiries". I left an inquiry about my invitation and I felt dirty. I didn't want to be THAT volunteer thats really nosey and asking for more information instead of waiting. But I learned after week 10 to be a bit pushy at times. Definitely needed to be pushy there so I thought a little question couldn't hurt. So I feel dirty for coming off like that.
Mistake:
I think it was a mistake on telling a lot of folks about me doing the PC, not so much my blog but the whole thing, because its now at the point where people ask every time I see them after some time. "Hey why aren't you gone yet?" "When are you leaving again?" "Any idea of where you are going? Is it official?" "Do you know where your layovers will be?" I needed to tell my family. Then I needed to tell my closer friends so I would have SOME support. Then I had to tell a couple other friends to get ACTUAL support. But as soon as I hit that level it went spiralling into everyone knowing.
I had no intention of telling the people I work with about it. My boss knew because she wrote the rec form. A co-worker knew because she is friends with my boss and her and I get along. Another co-worker knew because I told them. A few months later and I get asked what I plan on doing at a conference by an advisor at a conferne and upon telling them I forgot my boss'(another one...the one I don't like)sister had overheard. Next day at work I had people asking about where I'd be going. :-/ It was a vicious cycle I couldn't jump off of. So I guess the anxiety would be less if people didn't know.
I swear the next time I update this I'll know SOMETHING about the next phase for me. Whether it's "you need to do more volunteering", "sorry we haven't gotten to you", or "you are going to X".
January 8, 2007
Boredom
I decided to take a big swig of my codeine laced cough syrup, take a pill, and head to work. I was busy for the first fifteen minutes or so. Now I'm bored.
But being bored at work leaves me time to ponder life and I guess thats an okay thing.
Some thoughts:
1) Not hearing from PC is starting to worry me. I got nominated and passed all my clearance...they'll invite me right? I know I haven't been contacted by placement so I take that as a good sign. That means that I don't have to send in an updated anything. But man this waiting thing bites.
My medical clearance took three months. I imagine someone needs to see my file and go "wow...we made him wait how long? lets get his invite out to him pronto". Karma doesn't work that way though. Which on a quick tangent, I try to do the nice thing, pick up litter, volunteer for extra hours/deduct hours, etc. And today someone picked up something I dropped and handed it to me. I think all the nice things I did last year were just used to hand me a piece of paper. Karma...she's funny isn't she?
2) I'm a moron. In preparation for the Peace Corps (and yet I've not received an invite yet) I decided to get things I would need. Now I have no idea where I'll end up so trying to list "what I'll need" is kinda hard. But sticking with my nomination I can deduce I'll be working with youth. So I figured "camping". I don't know HOW I deduced that but I did. So I bought myself a multi-tool. With all the stuff I read I thought it was a great investment. If anything I can use it around the house I end up in. Well here's the thing about this multi-tool. It has like five screwdrivers, can opener, bottle opener, metal saw, wood saw, nail file, scissors, wire cutters, etc. Amazing amount of stuff. Then I noticed it didn't have just a regular blade. I then found a serated blade and touch the part right before it. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd ow. It's a combo knife and it just gashed my thumb. Maybe this is why PC is thinking over my invite. I can't read instructions.
3) Being sick for the past ohh..month made me imagine the horror of being sick in another country. I'm not whiney and demanding to hear from my mom when I'm sick but I bet it'll be amazingly odd. Do doctors outside of the U.S. ask for symptoms or do they just poke around? Will they try and convince me that I need to get a colonoscopy in order to get over diarrhea? The world will never know...
4) Penpals rock my face. Finding out that I should hear about an invite soon excited the crap out of me. Yet I've had few people to talk to about it. For instance, I went home yesterday to have dinner with my parents and a conversation came up about the Army. I made a comment that atleast I wasn't joining up to get shot at. My mother's response "no but you're...never mind how about the chicken". So being able to talk to a penpal in DC, Thailand, or Azerbaijan about this entire process really helps disseminate the excitement.
5) I ate too many bagels. I don't feel too hot. :-/
Next time I write a post...hopefully it will contain "I was invited and accepted".
But being bored at work leaves me time to ponder life and I guess thats an okay thing.
Some thoughts:
1) Not hearing from PC is starting to worry me. I got nominated and passed all my clearance...they'll invite me right? I know I haven't been contacted by placement so I take that as a good sign. That means that I don't have to send in an updated anything. But man this waiting thing bites.
My medical clearance took three months. I imagine someone needs to see my file and go "wow...we made him wait how long? lets get his invite out to him pronto". Karma doesn't work that way though. Which on a quick tangent, I try to do the nice thing, pick up litter, volunteer for extra hours/deduct hours, etc. And today someone picked up something I dropped and handed it to me. I think all the nice things I did last year were just used to hand me a piece of paper. Karma...she's funny isn't she?
2) I'm a moron. In preparation for the Peace Corps (and yet I've not received an invite yet) I decided to get things I would need. Now I have no idea where I'll end up so trying to list "what I'll need" is kinda hard. But sticking with my nomination I can deduce I'll be working with youth. So I figured "camping". I don't know HOW I deduced that but I did. So I bought myself a multi-tool. With all the stuff I read I thought it was a great investment. If anything I can use it around the house I end up in. Well here's the thing about this multi-tool. It has like five screwdrivers, can opener, bottle opener, metal saw, wood saw, nail file, scissors, wire cutters, etc. Amazing amount of stuff. Then I noticed it didn't have just a regular blade. I then found a serated blade and touch the part right before it. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd ow. It's a combo knife and it just gashed my thumb. Maybe this is why PC is thinking over my invite. I can't read instructions.
3) Being sick for the past ohh..month made me imagine the horror of being sick in another country. I'm not whiney and demanding to hear from my mom when I'm sick but I bet it'll be amazingly odd. Do doctors outside of the U.S. ask for symptoms or do they just poke around? Will they try and convince me that I need to get a colonoscopy in order to get over diarrhea? The world will never know...
4) Penpals rock my face. Finding out that I should hear about an invite soon excited the crap out of me. Yet I've had few people to talk to about it. For instance, I went home yesterday to have dinner with my parents and a conversation came up about the Army. I made a comment that atleast I wasn't joining up to get shot at. My mother's response "no but you're...never mind how about the chicken". So being able to talk to a penpal in DC, Thailand, or Azerbaijan about this entire process really helps disseminate the excitement.
5) I ate too many bagels. I don't feel too hot. :-/
Next time I write a post...hopefully it will contain "I was invited and accepted".
January 6, 2007
I'm in love with a stripper
For some reason every time I have anything from Wendy's, in this case I used a plastic spoon, I start to think of a road trip I had with some friends to a gambling boat. This song played on the radio throughout the entire trip. To be honest I don't think I know a stripper....actually now that I think of it I do. My best friend's cousin is a stripper. His mom said that since I'm a good guy I would be a good person for her to be with. Which wouldn't work on a few levels, 1) she smokes and I refuse to date smokers, 2) she has a 10 year old kid, 3) she's not as hot as she was when I was like 13, and 4) Oh yeah she shows off her naked body to other people!
Where was I going with this...
Oh so while I was brushing my teeth in the shower I realized that some of the things I do here in America may not work well in the Caucuses.
Do they take showers? Do they just sit next to a tub and toss water on themselves? Would they judge me badly if I peed in the shower? (Quick note...I do a lot in the shower. Brush my teeth, shave, pee...and like you never have, and clean myself)
This morning until say 15 minutes ago I was in my pjs and drank hot chocolate while I watched the Power Rangers. Is that uncommon? Do they wake up and put on their nice clothes for the day? That may be an issue for me. I like waking up late on the weekends and lounging in my pjs as long as humanly possible while I watch cartoons or in today's case, Mystic Force Power Rangers. I like kiddie shows and I don't care what you think of me.
I like to say "hi" to anyone that looks me in the eye. Is that okay in another culture? Can I talk to the opposite sex without worrying if I'm coming off too strong?
Lots of questions going through my noggin'. Will I end up marrying a German? Will I break a cultural tradition? Will I insult everyone I meet? Will I finally try absinthe? These are things I'm curious to know.
Why do I wonder about marrying a German? My uncle said that I'd probably marry one. Made me wonder if Germans roam all over Europe and Asia looking for single Americans to get a green card.
I think we take all our American-isms for granted. Right now I'm typing on a MacBook Pro in a three bedroom house (in the ghetto...but whatever), somewhat watching A Few Good Men on a 52 inch tv (graduation present). I'm sure I won't have the same experience abroad but one can hope right? :-)
What I'm looking forward to:
-Awkward moments. I don't doubt I'll do something completely wrong. Hit on a married woman. Eat something I'm not suppose to. Sing the walk of shame to a couple of PCVers who hook up. Awkward moments are bound to happen.
-Sharing. I can't really imagine the questions I'll be asked. Are you married? Why not? Does everyone in America...? What do you like most? Etc. I'm all good with answering questions. This may change after being asked the same question after the fiftieth time.
-Food. I have a love of trying new food or mixing it up. Ever have Greek the night after having Mexican? I love doing that. Actually I could go for a gyro right about now...hmmm...
I really need to stop thinking about posts when I take showers. It leaves me with a bunch of random thoughts.
Anywho, a quick note to everyone that reads this. Use marshmallow fluff instead of marshmallows in your hot chocolate. Works amazingly well. It creates like a crust on top. Delicious.
Where was I going with this...
Oh so while I was brushing my teeth in the shower I realized that some of the things I do here in America may not work well in the Caucuses.
Do they take showers? Do they just sit next to a tub and toss water on themselves? Would they judge me badly if I peed in the shower? (Quick note...I do a lot in the shower. Brush my teeth, shave, pee...and like you never have, and clean myself)
This morning until say 15 minutes ago I was in my pjs and drank hot chocolate while I watched the Power Rangers. Is that uncommon? Do they wake up and put on their nice clothes for the day? That may be an issue for me. I like waking up late on the weekends and lounging in my pjs as long as humanly possible while I watch cartoons or in today's case, Mystic Force Power Rangers. I like kiddie shows and I don't care what you think of me.
I like to say "hi" to anyone that looks me in the eye. Is that okay in another culture? Can I talk to the opposite sex without worrying if I'm coming off too strong?
Lots of questions going through my noggin'. Will I end up marrying a German? Will I break a cultural tradition? Will I insult everyone I meet? Will I finally try absinthe? These are things I'm curious to know.
Why do I wonder about marrying a German? My uncle said that I'd probably marry one. Made me wonder if Germans roam all over Europe and Asia looking for single Americans to get a green card.
I think we take all our American-isms for granted. Right now I'm typing on a MacBook Pro in a three bedroom house (in the ghetto...but whatever), somewhat watching A Few Good Men on a 52 inch tv (graduation present). I'm sure I won't have the same experience abroad but one can hope right? :-)
What I'm looking forward to:
-Awkward moments. I don't doubt I'll do something completely wrong. Hit on a married woman. Eat something I'm not suppose to. Sing the walk of shame to a couple of PCVers who hook up. Awkward moments are bound to happen.
-Sharing. I can't really imagine the questions I'll be asked. Are you married? Why not? Does everyone in America...? What do you like most? Etc. I'm all good with answering questions. This may change after being asked the same question after the fiftieth time.
-Food. I have a love of trying new food or mixing it up. Ever have Greek the night after having Mexican? I love doing that. Actually I could go for a gyro right about now...hmmm...
I really need to stop thinking about posts when I take showers. It leaves me with a bunch of random thoughts.
Anywho, a quick note to everyone that reads this. Use marshmallow fluff instead of marshmallows in your hot chocolate. Works amazingly well. It creates like a crust on top. Delicious.
January 5, 2007
Down with the sickness
**NOTE** Some of this entry will be gross. I apologize now.
The week before Christmas I was diagnosed with bronchitis. Nothing like coughing up green phlegm right before trying to fall asleep. Alas I got better and enjoyed my holidays. Suddenly I get sick again. I thought "wow...again...really?" I woke up feeling horrid on Wednesday. I knew I was coughing a lot and felt beaten up. So I went to the doctor on Thursday, he was out on Wednesday. I let out all my symptons to the nurse and after a bit of time the doc came in. He let me know that I had a resperatory viral infection and wrote a prescription for cough syrup with codeine and told me to keep on taking dayquil and nyquil. Yay. Now I cough up green phlegm and blow my nose to green snot. Mmmm.
So I decided to take the day off today so I could sleep in and try and feel better. Yay.
I mentioned in my last post that I hadn't received an email from one volunteer where I thought I was going. Well I spoke too soon. Its a common theme apparently.
It was a good read and I'm learning more about the culture without being there and also making a good friend in the process.
Oh and a major thank you to both Dave and B. I really appreciate the comments you guys leave, no idea if B is male for female so I use the term "guys" loosely. The last post was kind of an internal struggle that I've been dealing with since I applied.
Its a running theme in this process finding someone to talk about all the PC stuff with. I feel separated from my family about it all. My mom will tell anyone who will listen that I'm going but shows her side of it all. I can list on one hand the family members that "support" it all. By support I really should state "don't care really". My sister is the really only support for it in my family. She's interested in knowing more about why I want to go and where I will go. Mike, my cousin...technically my dad's cousin, thinks its an interesting idea and that I should do what I think is right. And my uncle Gary. Although he hasn't given me great approval he's stood up for me to my mom. That's almost unheard of really. Her brother telling her to show me support. He personally thinks its pointless, and that I'll marry some German woman, but that its my choice.
But I guess thinking about it all makes me realize why people interested in the PC, and PCVs/RPCVs, stick together. Sharing in the excitement of it all with someone else going through it is amazing. We love talking about it, thinking about it, and worrying about it. I was fortunate enough to find a couple of penpals that let me exude my excitement. If anything I think me showing my excitement has grounded them a bit, or so I've been told. Hopefully one day while I'm serving I'll be asked by an applicant about what I'm doing. That way I'll be able to look back at it all and remember why I'm doing it all.
Oh and before I close, the penpal in Azerbaijan let me know that invites were about to go out for AZ5 and to let her know if I get my invite. So here's hoping I'll hear something shortly. Maybe a couple weeks or so. We'll see.
The week before Christmas I was diagnosed with bronchitis. Nothing like coughing up green phlegm right before trying to fall asleep. Alas I got better and enjoyed my holidays. Suddenly I get sick again. I thought "wow...again...really?" I woke up feeling horrid on Wednesday. I knew I was coughing a lot and felt beaten up. So I went to the doctor on Thursday, he was out on Wednesday. I let out all my symptons to the nurse and after a bit of time the doc came in. He let me know that I had a resperatory viral infection and wrote a prescription for cough syrup with codeine and told me to keep on taking dayquil and nyquil. Yay. Now I cough up green phlegm and blow my nose to green snot. Mmmm.
So I decided to take the day off today so I could sleep in and try and feel better. Yay.
I mentioned in my last post that I hadn't received an email from one volunteer where I thought I was going. Well I spoke too soon. Its a common theme apparently.
It was a good read and I'm learning more about the culture without being there and also making a good friend in the process.
Oh and a major thank you to both Dave and B. I really appreciate the comments you guys leave, no idea if B is male for female so I use the term "guys" loosely. The last post was kind of an internal struggle that I've been dealing with since I applied.
Its a running theme in this process finding someone to talk about all the PC stuff with. I feel separated from my family about it all. My mom will tell anyone who will listen that I'm going but shows her side of it all. I can list on one hand the family members that "support" it all. By support I really should state "don't care really". My sister is the really only support for it in my family. She's interested in knowing more about why I want to go and where I will go. Mike, my cousin...technically my dad's cousin, thinks its an interesting idea and that I should do what I think is right. And my uncle Gary. Although he hasn't given me great approval he's stood up for me to my mom. That's almost unheard of really. Her brother telling her to show me support. He personally thinks its pointless, and that I'll marry some German woman, but that its my choice.
But I guess thinking about it all makes me realize why people interested in the PC, and PCVs/RPCVs, stick together. Sharing in the excitement of it all with someone else going through it is amazing. We love talking about it, thinking about it, and worrying about it. I was fortunate enough to find a couple of penpals that let me exude my excitement. If anything I think me showing my excitement has grounded them a bit, or so I've been told. Hopefully one day while I'm serving I'll be asked by an applicant about what I'm doing. That way I'll be able to look back at it all and remember why I'm doing it all.
Oh and before I close, the penpal in Azerbaijan let me know that invites were about to go out for AZ5 and to let her know if I get my invite. So here's hoping I'll hear something shortly. Maybe a couple weeks or so. We'll see.
January 2, 2007
Pride
As I was sitting here wasting yet another day at work doing very little I remembered I had an email that needed my attention.
I started a penpal relationship (email...writing is apparently passe) with a PCV in Thailand. She gives a clue as to the culture there and I give her a clue as to whats going on in America. A fair trade. I tried this with a PCV where I think I'll end up but alas, no return email in awhile. But back to the penpal...our emails kind of stopped due to her having to entertain family and friends for the holidays and my busy-ness with the holidays. Plus I forgot who wrote who last. Apparently she had written last.
At the end of each email to her I always end with random updates on current American happenings and random pop culture information. People could literally leave for the PC and come back and never know that Britney Spears was married, had two kids, filed for divorce, and showed off her genitalia. Amazing. So I fill her in on it. I think I'm doing my civic duty by letting her know.
Anywho, her email was fairly short and told me that she heard Gerald Ford died and was surprised I hadn't been the one to tell her. And something else stuck with me that she said "enjoy your holidays because it will be different next year". How strange but true.
I read that a couple days ago before I finally replied this morning. She was right. I was at home with my parents for Christmas and New Years and the idea of being gone for these two holidays seems so foreign. Not bad by any means but definitely foreign. It made me think of what my parents and family all thought about my decision for the Peace Corps. Would my parents travel an ungodly distance to see me for the holidays? No but its nice to think they would. I wouldn't doubt a friend would visit if they had the time or the money though.
I guess what really hit me was the fact that on New Years Eve I went home with my Christmas present, my left handed guitar that I named Layla, to get it tuned thanks to my dad teaching me how to use the LCD digital toner. My mom was out shopping for food for a get together and there was my dad and I. He was holding onto my sister's guitar toning it for her return and me with my new guitar. My dad and I really have different interests and hobbies. He enjoys models, guitars, racing, and motorcycles. Whereas I like Science Fiction, cooking, video games, and football (Colts we can agree on...but he likes the Bears and I enjoy the Packers). And at one point he gave me an electric guitar as a gift and I never cared. But to have me there trying to learn about his hobby and make it my own I saw him feel pride inside. Like he had done something good. Like he now shared a common bond with someone that only had his genetic make up and love for anchovies on pizza.
I know my parents are proud of me for getting a college education. Heck I am the first for my mom's family to get one (my sister will follow as will my cousin). But no shade of pride came to my parents faces when I said the Peace Corps. It was like I took the college education and demoralized it. I doubt I can ever truly explain why to my parents I want and need to do it. But as I sat there and saw my dad full of pride that I learned the C chord it shook me knowing that he didn't support a life dream of mine.
I don't think little of my parents for not supporting my decision. It just burns inside knowing that I can't go back in time. I can't go back to living at home with my parents. I can't go back to talking about traveling without my mom shutting up. I just wish I could've seen that look of pride on my dad's face when I said I was joining the Peace Corps.
But I have my pride. I'll be able to sleep at night knowing I cared more about the world than myself, money, or fame. That may not mean much to some but for me it means everything. And somehow when I serve I'll have to be able to teach volunteerism to a country that doesn't know the real meaning. Now that's a challenge.
I started a penpal relationship (email...writing is apparently passe) with a PCV in Thailand. She gives a clue as to the culture there and I give her a clue as to whats going on in America. A fair trade. I tried this with a PCV where I think I'll end up but alas, no return email in awhile. But back to the penpal...our emails kind of stopped due to her having to entertain family and friends for the holidays and my busy-ness with the holidays. Plus I forgot who wrote who last. Apparently she had written last.
At the end of each email to her I always end with random updates on current American happenings and random pop culture information. People could literally leave for the PC and come back and never know that Britney Spears was married, had two kids, filed for divorce, and showed off her genitalia. Amazing. So I fill her in on it. I think I'm doing my civic duty by letting her know.
Anywho, her email was fairly short and told me that she heard Gerald Ford died and was surprised I hadn't been the one to tell her. And something else stuck with me that she said "enjoy your holidays because it will be different next year". How strange but true.
I read that a couple days ago before I finally replied this morning. She was right. I was at home with my parents for Christmas and New Years and the idea of being gone for these two holidays seems so foreign. Not bad by any means but definitely foreign. It made me think of what my parents and family all thought about my decision for the Peace Corps. Would my parents travel an ungodly distance to see me for the holidays? No but its nice to think they would. I wouldn't doubt a friend would visit if they had the time or the money though.
I guess what really hit me was the fact that on New Years Eve I went home with my Christmas present, my left handed guitar that I named Layla, to get it tuned thanks to my dad teaching me how to use the LCD digital toner. My mom was out shopping for food for a get together and there was my dad and I. He was holding onto my sister's guitar toning it for her return and me with my new guitar. My dad and I really have different interests and hobbies. He enjoys models, guitars, racing, and motorcycles. Whereas I like Science Fiction, cooking, video games, and football (Colts we can agree on...but he likes the Bears and I enjoy the Packers). And at one point he gave me an electric guitar as a gift and I never cared. But to have me there trying to learn about his hobby and make it my own I saw him feel pride inside. Like he had done something good. Like he now shared a common bond with someone that only had his genetic make up and love for anchovies on pizza.
I know my parents are proud of me for getting a college education. Heck I am the first for my mom's family to get one (my sister will follow as will my cousin). But no shade of pride came to my parents faces when I said the Peace Corps. It was like I took the college education and demoralized it. I doubt I can ever truly explain why to my parents I want and need to do it. But as I sat there and saw my dad full of pride that I learned the C chord it shook me knowing that he didn't support a life dream of mine.
I don't think little of my parents for not supporting my decision. It just burns inside knowing that I can't go back in time. I can't go back to living at home with my parents. I can't go back to talking about traveling without my mom shutting up. I just wish I could've seen that look of pride on my dad's face when I said I was joining the Peace Corps.
But I have my pride. I'll be able to sleep at night knowing I cared more about the world than myself, money, or fame. That may not mean much to some but for me it means everything. And somehow when I serve I'll have to be able to teach volunteerism to a country that doesn't know the real meaning. Now that's a challenge.
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