Pride

As I was sitting here wasting yet another day at work doing very little I remembered I had an email that needed my attention.

I started a penpal relationship (email...writing is apparently passe) with a PCV in Thailand. She gives a clue as to the culture there and I give her a clue as to whats going on in America. A fair trade. I tried this with a PCV where I think I'll end up but alas, no return email in awhile. But back to the penpal...our emails kind of stopped due to her having to entertain family and friends for the holidays and my busy-ness with the holidays. Plus I forgot who wrote who last. Apparently she had written last.

At the end of each email to her I always end with random updates on current American happenings and random pop culture information. People could literally leave for the PC and come back and never know that Britney Spears was married, had two kids, filed for divorce, and showed off her genitalia. Amazing. So I fill her in on it. I think I'm doing my civic duty by letting her know.

Anywho, her email was fairly short and told me that she heard Gerald Ford died and was surprised I hadn't been the one to tell her. And something else stuck with me that she said "enjoy your holidays because it will be different next year". How strange but true.

I read that a couple days ago before I finally replied this morning. She was right. I was at home with my parents for Christmas and New Years and the idea of being gone for these two holidays seems so foreign. Not bad by any means but definitely foreign. It made me think of what my parents and family all thought about my decision for the Peace Corps. Would my parents travel an ungodly distance to see me for the holidays? No but its nice to think they would. I wouldn't doubt a friend would visit if they had the time or the money though.

I guess what really hit me was the fact that on New Years Eve I went home with my Christmas present, my left handed guitar that I named Layla, to get it tuned thanks to my dad teaching me how to use the LCD digital toner. My mom was out shopping for food for a get together and there was my dad and I. He was holding onto my sister's guitar toning it for her return and me with my new guitar. My dad and I really have different interests and hobbies. He enjoys models, guitars, racing, and motorcycles. Whereas I like Science Fiction, cooking, video games, and football (Colts we can agree on...but he likes the Bears and I enjoy the Packers). And at one point he gave me an electric guitar as a gift and I never cared. But to have me there trying to learn about his hobby and make it my own I saw him feel pride inside. Like he had done something good. Like he now shared a common bond with someone that only had his genetic make up and love for anchovies on pizza.

I know my parents are proud of me for getting a college education. Heck I am the first for my mom's family to get one (my sister will follow as will my cousin). But no shade of pride came to my parents faces when I said the Peace Corps. It was like I took the college education and demoralized it. I doubt I can ever truly explain why to my parents I want and need to do it. But as I sat there and saw my dad full of pride that I learned the C chord it shook me knowing that he didn't support a life dream of mine.

I don't think little of my parents for not supporting my decision. It just burns inside knowing that I can't go back in time. I can't go back to living at home with my parents. I can't go back to talking about traveling without my mom shutting up. I just wish I could've seen that look of pride on my dad's face when I said I was joining the Peace Corps.

But I have my pride. I'll be able to sleep at night knowing I cared more about the world than myself, money, or fame. That may not mean much to some but for me it means everything. And somehow when I serve I'll have to be able to teach volunteerism to a country that doesn't know the real meaning. Now that's a challenge.